Counseling Is A Pain
by Katsuki Shizenno
Summary: When Hidan and Kakuzu get into a feud I get Pein to agree to let me counsel them. This can't be good... A 2 part fic. NON-yaoi KakuHida.
1. Chapter 1

_**I do not own Naruto. I do own Katsuki Shizenno, Mimiko Kawaii, Sasazuka Yumeno and Sunagakure no Rekkami aka Rekka.**_

It was a regular evening in the Akatsuki base. I was sitting in my hot pink room on my rose and thorns, black and white comforter reading a Clique novel, Invasion of the Boy Snatchers to be exact. Suddenly a gigantic bang interrupted me. I heard Hidan yell something about Kakuzu and knew exactly what it was.

I growled.

Hidan and Kakuzu were having a fight recently but when it's those two it always seems like a war.

I walked out my bedroom and that's all it took. I soon regretted it completely.

"Hey, guys!" I said. "You guys really need to--"

Suddenly something crashed into me.

When I finally opened my eyes I saw it was Hidan.

Kakuzu had thrown him.

"Kakuzu, you [censored]!" Hidan screamed. "I am gonna kill you."

"If you can finally touch me," Kakuzu retorted.

"Shut the [censored] up you baka!"

"What a pain."

"Why you--"

"SHUT UP!" I shouted. "All I'm trying to do is read my stupid book!"

"So?" Hidan asked.

"So, you guys are as noisy as a hurricane. This is worse than the time Tobi accidentally messed up Deidara little statues and tried to flush them down the toilet before Deidara found out."

"It's not that bad--"

"Oh yeah it is!"

"Don't try to reason with him, Katsu-chan," Kakuzu said. "This guy is such an idiot he'd never understand anyway."

"[censored]!" Hidan yelled.

He tried to punch him but Kakuzu stopped his fist.

They went back to fighting.

I wasn't going to stand for that. I marched right down the dark halls to Pein's office.

I knocked on the door.

No answer.

I knocked harder.

Still no answer.

I cracked the door.

Pein was sitting in his big, leather office chair I'd gotten him last New Year's behind his mahogany desk reading some documents. His office was dark as usual and a mahogany table stood against the left wall with a plant on it. The only other objects in the room were a black file cabinet in the right corner and a red rug on the floor. His office was pretty empty.

"Pein-sama," I said.

No answer.

Was he angry?

"Pein-sama?" I repeated.

He didn't notice me. I walked closer to the desk.

"Pein-sama?" I tapped his shoulder.

"Huh?" he asked looking up.

"Kakuzu and Hidan are--"

Pein held up a finger. He pulled earplugs out of his ears.

"Oh," I said. "So that's why you didn't answer."

"Kakuzu and Hidan were giving me a massive headache," he said.

He sat back and rolled his temples.

"I need a vacation," he sighed.

"They're exactly what I came to talk to you about," I said. "They're--Oh you do look ill."

I examined his face.

There were bags under his eyes and he looked completely worn out.

He opened his eyes and sat up his eyes locking with mine.

I gasped and drew back, blushing. His amber eyes were extremely mesmerizing to me as were Hidan's bright violet ones and not to mention a bunch of pop stars' like Nick Jonas, Jesse McCartney and David Henrie...

"Katsuki," Pein called, snapping his fingers.

I shook myself from my daydream.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"What did you want?" Pein asked.

"I want"--I took a breath--"to counsel Kakuzu and Hidan."

Pein cocked his brow.

"That fine," he finally said. "But don't kill yourself."

"Okay," I said. "I'll end this."

I smiled.

Pein smiled back.

"Okay then, I'll be back with good results--"--A crash and more shouts from Hidan and Kakuzu cut me off.--"I hope."

**_Thanks for reading part 1!_**

**_~Katsuki Shizenno_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_I do not own Naruto but I DO own Katsuki Shizenno, Mimiko Kawaii, Sasazuka Yumeno and Sunagakure no Rekkami._**

I sighed as I walked to Kakuzu and Hidan's room.

What great friends I had.

I'd just asked them a few hours ago if I could use the room for one hour; just for the counseling.

_Flashback Mode; normal POV... _

_"So what do you think?" Katsuki said. "I'm sure it will work."_

_"Ohmigosh!" Rekka yelled. "Are you absolutely out of your mind?"_

_"Katsuki," Sasazuka said, calmly._

_She was using Katsuki's name. She meant business._

_"We are not letting you use this room to counsel--"_

_"Two freakin' maniacs!" Rekka interupted._

_"Don't, Katsu-chan!" Mimiko cried._

_"Okay," Katsuki exhaled. "Gosh! __You guys are just so considerate."_

_End flashback._

Well, there was no turning back now.

I knocked on the door of Hidan and Kakuzu's room.

"Enter," Kakuzu said.

"Listen to the oh powerful one," Hidan said sarcastically as I walked in.

I rolled my eyes.

Then I gasped.

Hidan's side of the room was red with blood stains. A strange shrine was beside his bed and his entire side looked messy, bloody and dark. He should _never_ had chose a white bedspread. Kakuzu's side of the room was neat but dark with hues of grey and black. The only bright objects in the room were his mounds of gold and jewels that couldn't fit in his safe.

"I will kill those girls!" I muttered.

"What was that?" Hidan asked.

"Nothing about you two. But let's start talking about you two."

I sat on the chair between where Kakuzu and Hidan sat on their individual beds.

"Okay," I said slowly, trying to keep the calm in the room. "How did this start."

"Well," Hidan started. "This [censored]--"

"Hey, hey!" I raised my voice. "No cursing. This is _therepy_."

Hidan growled but continued.

"Kakuzu said I was no good for anything."

"Why is that all of a sudden a problem?" I asked.

"He did after he stole my scythe and _fuh-reakin'_ slapped me."

"Good," Kakuzu interrupted. "Now how about you tell the whole story."

"Don't you get started with me!"

"I cannot _believe _you're trying to threaten me."

"What?! Why you--"

[remaining sentence censored out]

"OHMIGOSH!" I screamed. "I said none of that!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Hidan muttered, crossing his arms.

"Kakuzu," I turned to him. "I know Hidan totally exagerates and all."

"Do not!" Hidan huffed.

"Now you're acting like a brat," Kakuzu said flatly.

"Shut up!"

"Ahem," I said.

Everyhing got quiet for a second.

"Now," Kakuzu finally said. "I did indeed do those thing but it was because he absent-mindedly knocked over a candle and burned 18,000 yen."

"I said, I'm sorry!" Hidan shouted and then began muttering curses.

"Is that really true?" I asked.

"Yes. But how does that bring back my money. I asked him to pay it back but--"

"Of course I wouldn't!" Hidan screamed. "After what you did--"

"I took the scythe because I knew you'd start swinging it as soon as I opened my mouth--"

"But--"

"Wait!" I said. "I think I see something here."

I leaned back massaging my temples and closed my eyes.

When I sat up and opened them and ajusted my glasses Hidan and Kakuzu were staring at me.

"You see," I began, my eyebrow twitching from the strange stares. "Hidan is actually lonely most the time. You give him some happiness and all so that explains why he'd get ticked if you made him feel bad over an accident."

Kakuzu cocked a brow.

I turned to Hidan.

"Kakuzu has a short temper but he doesn't hate you. Neither one of you zombies hate each other."

I giggled some.

"Oh, c'mon," I said. "Just apologize, ne. Both of you. Without each other who'd ya beat up? Without killing 'em anyway."

"Fine," Kakuzu said, flatly. "You're _luckily_ forgiven."

"Okay," Hidan said. "I guess I forgive you. Baka."

"See?" I said, smiling proudly.

Hidan stared straight into my eyes.

I could feel my heartbeat rapidly increasing again like with Pein.

Oh if he'd stop staring!

Hidan drew back.

"You're so weird," he said finally.

"Very," Kakuzu agreed.

"Whoa!" I said jokingly. "I must be really good. You guys agreed on something. I should come back more often."

"No," they firmly said in unison.

I laughed.

I was glad it worked out though.

Now I needed to lay down and get rid of this massive headache.

**_A/N: You know if you really think about it that is how those two work. XD Thanks for reading. _**

**_~Katsuki Shizenno_**


	3. Epilogue

**_I do no own Naruto but I DO own Katsuki Shizenno, Sasazuka Yumeno, Mimiko Kawaii and Sunagakure no Rekkami aka Rekka_**

So everything worked out.

Pein saw me staggering down the hall and thanked me with and sweet smile which made my heart flutter like a bird.

Hidan and Kakuzu refrained from any "hurricane" arguements.

When I reached my room I was greeted by Sasazuka, Mimiko, Rekkami and...a cake?!

They said it was recompensation. I told the to save it and that I'd kill them if they ate it. After all I missed my reading, had to counsel two zombie maniacs and got a headache.

Now I was going to take a nap and when the girls left the room everthing seemed okay for once all day.

Really,

Counseling Is A Pain.

_**A/N: Thanks for reading!!!! Hope everyone enjoyed. ^.^**_

_**~Katsuki Shizenno **_


End file.
